A Book All Christians Should Read

Over the Christmas holidays, my daughter lent me the book The Faitheist by Chris Stedman, the Humanist Chaplain at Harvard University. I hardly knew what a Humanist Chaplain was and I was intrigued by someone who would link both faith and atheism in his perspective on life. Make no mistake, Stedman considers himself an atheist, but he is an atheist who appreciates the role religion plays in people’s lives. He tells the story of how he was derisively called a “faitheist” by one of his atheist friends. However, upon reflection he felt the term adequately captured his perspective on life and so claimed the label for himself.

Stedman’s story is both challenging and troubling for those of us who claim to be Christians. His story illustrates how often in our passion for Truth, we alienate others without even knowing we are doing it. After growing up in a non-religious home, Stedman got involved with an evangelical youth group while in middle school and even made a typical evangelical commitment of faith. However, this spiritual awakening was accompanied and complicated by a growing awareness that he also was sexually attracted to boys rather than girls. As he listened to the Bible teachings of his evangelical youth leader, he became increasingly concerned that he was hopelessly caught in a “sinful” gay sexuality.  After drifting away from that youth group and sharing his struggle with his mother, he found his way to a Lutheran pastor and youth group who both affirmed his Christian belief and his gay sexuality. Thus Stedman entered college with essentially his faith and sexual identity intact.

However in college as Stedman further examined his faith, he gradually began to question the essential truths of Christianity, and eventually identified himself as an atheist. However, he did not forget the love and community he experienced in the church, nor the passion for justice and making the world a better place that was at the core of the faith he had professed. He claims to have found peace and a sense of identity not believing in God that he failed to achieve in trying to believe in God. After going through a time of anger and rejection of all things religious, he entered seminary with the idea of understanding people of different religious faiths and promoting inter-religious understanding. He now serves as a Humanist Chaplain at Harvard University and speaks and writes widely on the values of secular humanist and inter-faith understanding.

What I appreciated most about this book was Stedman’s insistence on the power of one’s personal story. For example one time he was  entering a bar with some friends when they were harangued by three Christians were standing outside berating all the gay men entering the establishment. Instead of just walking by, Stedman engaged them in conversation, eventually sharing the story of his journey thru Christianity and struggle over identity to his current place as a gay atheist who appreciated the value of religion. He says that at the end of the conversation, the would-be hecklers thanked him for his authenticity and they parted in respect. Would that many gay bashing Christians learn the power of simply telling stories rather than seeking to pummel people with the Truth.

So often we religious people hide behind our faith as if it is a shield against all that is different and threatening. More often in our fear we drive a wedge between those with whom we disagree, when in fact we have so much to learn from one another. In the last few years I have increasingly sought out opportunities to engage people whose belief systems are different than mine. I have found myself working alongside and talking with Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Agnostics, atheists and spiritualists. These interactions have caused me to consider the foundations of my faith, while seeking to try and understand the foundations of another’s faith. While not a Christian, Chris Stedman provides us with a helpful example of how we can live within our own belief system and still engage others meaningfully.

While Stedman identifies with the new atheist movement, he is critical that for the most part  new atheism is characterized by what it is against – religion – rather than what it stands for. Interchangeably using the terms "atheist" and "humanist," he makes the argument that just as people from different religious traditions have much to learn from one another, so to believers and non-believing humanists have much to learn from each other. This book is an easy read, full of personal anecdotes that adds to our understanding of those who may share our passion for justice and peace, while rejecting our faith. We who claim to be Christian could learn a great deal from Stedman’s example of engaging openness to those who are different.

Thoughts on Proposition 8

Christian singer/songwriter Darrell Adams once introduced a song he had written poking fun at popular religious practices by saying, “There is something in this song to upset everyone.” I feel somewhat the same way about what I want to say in regards to California’s Proposition 8. Some will feel I have crossed over some sort of line, while others will be angry I have not gone far enough. So be it.

Last week the historic election of Barack Obama to the presidency was accompanied by a rising hope of a more open and inclusive spirit in U.S. society and culture. So it was with sadness that I learned of the passage of Proposition 8 in California, which overturned a California State Supreme Court decision allowing same sex couples to become legally married. In May the court had decided that the state discriminated against same sex couples when it did not allow them to marry. Since June nearly 18,000 couples received marriage licenses. Though Proposition 8 does not nullify those marriages, it does amend the California State Constitution to read “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California.” So henceforth, same sex couples can not get legally married in California.

Reflecting on that result I find myself in an ambiguous position of agreeing with one side of the debate, yet fully understanding the other side. As the brother of three siblings in same sex relationships, I feel like they have been unduly denied a simple right that I and all other heterosexuals have. While part of me wonders why gays and lesbians would want to seek marriage, given the abysmal divorce rate (nearly 1 in 2) of heterosexual couples, I also recognize that the passage of such a law normalizes and legitimizes relationships that heretofore have been considered immoral by some, abnormal by others, and simply “different” by others.

Fifteen years ago I espoused the view that homosexuality was not normative in God’s eyes. I based that position on a reading of the Bible that noted that anywhere homosexuality was mentioned in Scripture it was either criticized or condemned. Over the previous 15 years I had attended numerous debates and read countless books on the topic, even writing a paper on the topic when I was in seminary. However, over time I became convinced that whatever the Bible had to say about homosexuality, it was not talking about a committed relationship akin to marriage. In some cases the Bible’s position was based on ancient views of human sexuality no longer held even by the most devout Christian. In other cases, the homosexuality mentioned was connected with pagan religions. However, the major obstacle for me was while I could discount or explain away the few passages that did mention homosexuality, I could find no statement positively affirming same sex relationships. The pro-gay Biblical argument was an argument from the absence of condemnation, not the presence of affirmation. At the same time I saw the committed relationships of my siblings and others, some of whom were dedicated Christians, and I could not accept that God would categorically condemn someone for loving someone of their own gender. I changed my position not so much on the basis of new view of Scripture, but rather the compelling evidence of the commitment and love of same sex couples I knew personally. I decided I would leave the theological debates up to God, and choose to err on the side of grace rather than judgment.

Yet even in the days when I opposed homosexuality on moral and Biblical grounds, I never believed that meant that gay/lesbian couples should be denied basic human rights. Laws discriminating against gays/lesbians in the areas of employment or housing did not seem fair. The same goes for gay/lesbian marriage. When I was a pastor, I might not have performed a ceremony for a gay or lesbian couple, but I did not feel I had the right to impose my view on society as a whole given the vigorous debate on the issue.

Today, I have changed my attitude toward homosexuality overall, and support the right of same-sex couples to marry. Nonetheless, I work for a Christian college that does not allow or support same sex romantic relationships. While I generally affirm the overall mission and culture of my school, this is one area where I personally disagree with my school’s position. At the same time a few years ago I was quite proud when Eastern University was one of only a handful of Christian schools that welcomed members of Equality Ride to dialogue at their campus. Equality Ride is program modeled after the Freedom Rides of the Civil Rights movement, where young people go to Christian schools and military academies challenging schools to reconsider their policies regarding gay and lesbian relationships. Most schools banned the Equality Riders from coming on their campuses. By contrast Eastern invited the students to come for two days, set up opportunities for dialogue and generally allowed students and faculty to interact with the guests and each other on the place of gays and lesbians in the church and in society in general.

Like the Equality Riders, many supporters of gay rights liken their movement to the Civil Rights movement of the 1950’s and 1960’s. This approach does not hold much appeal to African Americans who see their struggle for equality in quite a different light than gays and lesbians. In fact polls indicated that a majority African-Americans and Latinos in California supported Proposition 8. Tactically, I think the gay rights movement needs to come up with a different metaphor for their cause. For many people who support bills like Proposition 8 the issue is not so much about rights as it is about morality. While I may not agree with their view, I recognize that to talk about rights when people are thinking morality is to talk past one another. In that sense it becomes like the abortion debate where people are talking at each other, while not really hearing one another because they in essence are speaking a different language.

What is needed is a new kind of dialogue built on respect and listening. David Black, the president of Eastern, took a great deal of heat from the Board of Trustees for allowing the Equality Riders to come on Eastern’s campus, but I applaud him for the willingness to allow people of different perspective to engage in meaningful conversation. While in the end Eastern did not change its policies as a result of the visit, it sponsored a respectful and open dialogue conducted in a way that seems like a model that others could follow.

I am sure the supporters of Proposition 8 feel like they achieved some sort of moral victory last Tuesday, and certainly the opponents feel like a terrible injustice was institutionalized. Regardless of what the outcome had been, one referendum or even 100 referendums can not alter the fact that we can no more will away the debate over same sex relationships than we can alter the path of the Earth around the Sun. Deeply personal issues like the right of same sex couples to marry can not be solved in a court room or ballot box, but rather across a table of respect and openness. As Barack Obama embodies a new day in inter-racial dialogue in this county, my hope is that we can look at other areas such as gay rights where we as a nation disagree, and find ways to dialogue meaningfully and respectfully with the goal of finding common ground and living together constructively despite our differences.